“Mom…”
I laughed and changed the subject.
For a moment afterward, though, I wondered whether I was being ridiculous.
I was sixty-four years old.
Was I really sitting there thinking about teaching my neighbor a lesson with a garden gnome?
Education
Then I remembered something my husband used to say.
I’d stand up to rude mechanics for Diane.
I’d defend coworkers.
I’d complain when somebody overcharged a stranger.
But when people mistreated me, I almost always tried to “keep the peace.”
That wasn’t peace.
It was permission.
Gardening
That night, I turned off my porch light and waited.
All Monica had to do was stay away from my property.
Just after midnight, her Tesla rolled quietly into the driveway.
Monica climbed out wearing yoga pants and slippers, charging cable in hand.
She walked toward my garage as naturally as if she were heading toward her own front door.
Then she saw the gnome.
“What the…”
Language Resources
She stared down at it.
“My gnome.”
I nearly laughed from behind the porch plants.
Then Monica nudged it with her foot.
“Ugly little thing. Move.”
She pushed harder.
A thin line tightened behind it.
Autos & Vehicles
A small container positioned above tipped.
And a waterfall of washable pink paint came straight down over Monica.
For one second, she didn’t move.
Pink paint covered her hair, shoulders, clothes, and slippers.
Then she screamed.
Lights came on throughout the neighborhood.
Doors opened.
Dogs started barking.
I stepped out with my phone recording.
Monica spun toward me.
“YOU DID THIS!”
“You’re standing on my property at midnight holding a charging cable.”
“YOU SET A TRAP!”
“It wouldn’t have bothered you if you hadn’t come onto my property.”
Frank appeared across the street in plaid pajama pants.
